I don’t wanna.
I am sitting at my desk between a rock and a panicky place. This is not an unusual place for me to be, I’m just hyper aware of it today. I’m actually taking a short break before I go back to writing. I have a new contract so I’m trying to wow them with my prowess.
I have a sinus thing that is only helped by a medication that makes me a bit twitchier than normal. I know how can you tell? I have plenty of people around me that tell me this kind of thing whether I want them to or not. I have been freaking out a lot this week. I’m starting to move stuff out of Steve’s house and the first big batch of stuff that went to live with a stranger really punched me in the heart. I know that doesn’t sound very coherent, but if you want I can explain it to you. I can’t be sure I won’t use obscenities or say anything that doesn’t rhyme with brother trucker, but still.
The other major thing that’s clumping my fluff is an grudge that I can not let go. (No it’s not the Gonzalo Cervantes thing, although that should probably go, too.)
I am el clumpo in el fluffo because The Absence of All That is Good and Holy is now living back in this area.
I can’t imagine what would make me feel better about this situation.
An apology? Possibly.
The thousands of dollars he owes me. Probably, and if didn’t it could go a long way towards helping me pretend it did.
None of these things will make up for the unforgivable, that I let myself be taken advantage of for years for someone who is either a sociopath or hates themselves so much they can’t respect anyone who cares about them.
It just frustrates me because I can’t let it go. I know that’s all on me.
The money would be nice too.