Taking the “plain” out of plaintive

Published June 7, 2013 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I’m having another one of those please-don’t- make-me-do-anything sort of days. (Yeah, I know, I haven’t really been leaping out bed and grabbing the bull by the horns lately, but does anyone? Unless, of course, you’re in Pomplona) But I had to get up and go see the eye doctor (contact lenses because sight is one of my favorite senses) so I actually had to get up and get out.  I was incredibly hungry and since I’m really trying to isolate my eating into an eight hour window and I was already having guilt because I ate a grape tomato at 4AM (really, one tiny tomato made me feel guilty, that’s how much food guilt I have.)  So I drank some black coffee and drove across town. I was in such a hurry I didn’t notice that my breathing mask had left marks on my face (not that there was anything I could do about it, I can’t just iron the wrinkles out of my face, maybe a  spritz of static guard.)

When I got there,  I still hadn’t spoken today, so I was testing my volume when the receptionist greeted me.  I was visibly surprised at my volume level and mentioned it to the equally surprised receptionist. She was kind enough not mention the ridges on my face.

Since I could see, I decided to indulge my senses by going to the bookstore and Starbucks.  I had a coupon for a cheap beverage, and what the hell, I do need more caffeine on an empty stomach. (I just now realized this is probably why the rest of this section happened.)

Coffee slammed, I went and cruised the bookstore. I wasn’t looking for anything specific, but I am seriously dragging my feet on this new ghost writing project and I don’t think I am getting out enough, so there you have it.   I was starting to get vexed because I couldn’t find anything interesting and  Barnes and Noble has once again rearranged the entire store so I was just wandering around.  I found myself in the self-help section. (I should have demanded help from myself.)  There was some slender volume on positive thinking by some wispy blonde woman who was smiling smugly at the camera. (Well, yeah, she has a book deal and she’s wispy and blonde, what’s not to smug about?)

I wanted to punch this woman.

I thought it best to go to a different section.

I was trying to locate some sort of Romance Writer’s Weekly or some such but the periodical section has also been reorganized and now the writer’s publications are nestled cheek to jowl with the Current Events.

My intelligence was insulted by the frustration incurred by locating several Home Defense Magazines and not what I was looking for.

Then the store erupted into an ungodly amount of noise as toddler story time was anounced

I have no objection to children, reading or toddlers, but today it just made me want to run shrieking through the self-help section.

I finally left when a child and her mother began talking loudly at each other in Russian.

Yes, I feel like I’m having a meltdown. But at least it’s interesting, and no one is shrieking at me in Russian.

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