Is Controlled Panic a thing?

Published August 17, 2015 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I am lamentatious that my cat will never know the joy of reaching into a heap of clean laundry and pulling out a perfectly matched pair of socks. I sang about the socks while sprinting around the room in hopes of sharing the joy with her, but she did not appreciate it.

Thus the tone is set for the day.

I got up about two hours earlier than usual because I’m trying to get back on a regular schedule. (I still don’t have a job, but I am so mired in delusion that I want to make an active contribution.) I don’t know where to start or where to begin on today’s activities. I certainly have plenty to do. The house is still in it’s ususal state; I still don’t give a teeny tiny little rats behind. (Although I have put out strategically placed bowls of borax in hopes of killing all of my insects and other forms of pestilence.  I have no idea if rodentia are at all affected by borax, but at least they will leave little footprints so I will know where they have been.)

I know I need to wade through the crap in my office because I will probably need to print out some things, and if I don’t get a job, I will need to freelance in order to eke by, so I will definitely need to do some actual work in there.

I need to take some stuff back to the library, I also need to pick up the refills of my extra potent anti-freak meds, because I suspect this week will be primed for freaking. I also need to walk my 10,000 steps. (For me, it’s to rebuild my stamina for racing around all day like a fiend, becasue that’s how I teach. There I go, actively deluding again.)

I’m just trying to control the panic; I don’t want to use it all up this early in the week.

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