Published August 21, 2015 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

My Amanda Friend told me that she believes in the impossible because she is friends with me, thus she has had a front row seat to the madness.

A professor of mine once said that patterns will become emergent once all of the right pieces are assembled. Real Life application for me: When I am with certain people, Amanda Friend, Actor Boy to name two , the truly bizarre happens.

Case in point: This afternoon. Actor Boy and I went for pancakes and coffee. We both have work to do this evening and neither of us is feeling 100% (He has a cold, and I think he shared it with me.)so we needed a sugar and caffeine boost. 

It was mid-afternoon so Ihop was fairly empty. We were seated at one of those tiny tables for two for some reason leaving me to have to wad up my giant purse behind me and Actor Boy to unfold his long limbs and wrap them around the table legs. 

Our server, Megan, approached our table (here approach means stumble over like a baby giraffe) preceded by the slight odor of alcohol.  Actor Boy didn’t notice the smell but he is a genial sort and he has a great smile so he flashed her one of those. She took our drink orders and meandered away. 

I stage whispered, “I think our server is drunk”. By this time Megan had come back with our coffee and mumbled something about the oddly shaped lemon hunks in our water glasses.  I said it was fine and she proceeded to pick a citrus whisker off of the side of one of the glasses and brush it away. 

We placed our orders. Actor Boy always gets the chicken and waffles and she proceeded to list the condiments she could set him up with; gravy, honey mustard, catsup, hot sauce . . . He told her catsup was fine. I was glad he stopped her before this turned into a Bubba shrimp litany.

After she brought our food, she lingered awhile then wandered away. I have no idea where the rest of Ihop’s A-team was, but the one other waitress kept trying to get her attention. At one point both waitresses began trying out a version of the Charleston (pull up the baby giraffe image again.)

That’s when things got weird. I was trying to enjoy the most delicious part of the pancake, the center gooey part where all of the syrup and butter have morphed into delightfulness, when Megan remarked loudly on the whiteness of Actor Boy’s teeth. She actually grabbed his face while she quizzed him  about the origin and reasoning behind the super white teeth. Somewhere in all of this she mentioned that she was back at work after two weeks off because she had been in an accident. Meanwhile, I am kicking Actor Boy under the table. During the kicking she began talking about her boyfriend having dark hair and how everyone on the planet has some Asian DNA. Then she went on to talk about a Documentary about how one third of the people on the planet are related in some way to Genghis Kahn. 

I actually heard about this, and before I could stop myself, I said, “Oh, yeah, I’ve heard of that.”  Well, Actor Boy hadn’t  heard so she proceeded to loudly describe the salient points of Genghis’s wild ride through  the world.  She used some profanity, and gave a quick rundown on all of  the substances  to abuse at that time period and how Genghis forced himself on over 100 women a day (apparently one of the ancient substances was Viagra.)

Well, really, where could the conversation go after you’ve had a mini-lecture on ancient debauchery while you are trying to finish your breakfast food.  She followed us to the cashier, I have to say I was trying to save myself as Actor Boy answered her lingering questions.  One of which was, “Is she your girlfriend?” (We get that a lot.)   

Somehow Actor Boy did not succumb to her charms and we left.

I looked at him and said, “I’m glad you were here to witness that. No one would believe me.”

He answered, “Didn’t you just say you wanted something new to write about? “

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