I have heard from many, many people that I am too hard on myself. It is my understanding that I have always been this way. Until reminded by The Mom, I was on Ritalin after seeing a counselor because of my third grade math induced panic attacks.
Really. I was eight years old and having full on meltdowns because I was afraid I couldn’t do math. (I still can’t, but I don’t take it so hard these days.)
I remember my third grade teacher, Mrs. Craven, taking me onto her lap (You could do that in the 70’s at a Catholic school.) and reassuring me that everything was going to be ok. It eventually was, it was the right then and there I was having a hard time with.
I’m still mostly unemployed and trying not to panic about that, because, really, I can only panic about one thing at a time. And I have bigger fish to panic about. A friend of mine suggested I take some me time. As opposed to all of the other time where I do nothing, I should do something that is specific to me and inside my owisn head. So I have been walking while listening to an audio book. I have run across some great stories this way. Somehow the rhythm of the walking helps to lull me into the beat of the story. It is quite peaceful and some great ideas become emergent.
The book I am experiencing right now Saving Lucas Biggs by Maria de los Santos and David Teague, presents the idea of time travel in a way that I find reassuring (In general. I have no intention of Quantum Leaping all over the place.)
Things are as much not here as they are here. It’s a balance. A shirt is as much on the plane of existence as there are not.
It’s kind of a “what happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?” kind of situation.
As Brain Wringing as it seems, I am taking are comfort in the fact that my problems are just as gone as they are here.
That’s fine with me.