I’m kind of freaking out right now (What a shock!) Even my strong, staunch stiff-upper-lip exterior can not hold back the bubble bubble roil and scrubble (I really need to clean my house) going on in my head today.
I’m still kerflustered by the universe for so many reasons I can’t really sort them out. So I spent some time doing what usually calms me, listening to an audio book.
A few years ago I became aware of Jenny Lawson via a recommendation by my book club. Fortunately I wrote the information down before the drinking began. Ms. Lawsons’s first book, “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened was so out loud hilarious that I began to follow her on twitter and basically stayed poised to spring for her next word.
Ms. Lawson suffers from a few chronic illnesses, including anxiety disorder. These illnesses make it difficult for her to do public appearances and readings, yet she tamps down her crazy and goes about it anyway.
I have her new book, “Furiously Happy” on audio and have been listening to it in bits and pieces, usually when I’m by myself, because I was listening to it when I went for a flu shot and I started laughing so hard I was crying and wheezing, causing several people to pull their children protectively away from me.
As you know, I’m having kind of a rough time right now, I’m mostly ok, but feel I should be doing more, and then I get the guilts about it (Catholic School).
I felt terrible about it until I heard Lawson’s theory of spoons. At the beginning of the day, you have a set amount of spoons. Everything you do during the course of your day costs you a spoon. The more you do, the less spoons you have and you don’t get more spoons until you rest. If you are sick and/or have a chronic ailment, you automatically start with a lower number of spoons. So the things I do wouldn’t be too hard if I hadn’t had a stroke or didn’t have anxiety, which I suspect I have always had because of my third grade math meltdown (world’s worst game show), not to mention the middle age thing. It all reduces my daily number of spoons.
I’m in a show right now. I’m having fun and I’m a little concerned about learning lines because I don’t know how many spoons that takes. I’m not working right now. Normally this is where I would start freaking out but I’m not because I know I absolutely do not have enough spoons to teach and be in a play. And I know I did not have enough spoons, nor will I ever have enough daily spoons to teach 160 students a day.
My house needs to be cleaned. But I’m out of spoons.