Maybe it’s about the eyebrows

Published October 6, 2015 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I spend a lot of my down time watching TV. Since I have Hipster Cable (Passwords shared with friends for the streaming channels, it’s ok, HBO doesn’t care. Seriously, they don’t) I see a lot of the same sponsor commercials over and over. One that has me particularly confused, is the one for European Wax Center. It depicts a beautiful long legged woman who sails regally out of her equally beautiful domicile and promenades around her world where she is met with smiles and general good will by all.

Every time I see this commercial, I am a bit surprised that it’s for a waxing center. You know, a place that specializes in pouring hot wax on your skin to rip out unwanted hair.  Because of the way the commercial is filmed, I’m assuming they viewer to think it’s the eyebrows that have ensured this woman of her beauty and success.  (I do shudder to think that they are implying anything else, although, come to think of it, that would make more sense. )

I really want to know what she looked like before the eyebrow waxing.  I picture a taller, female Yosemite Sam who long awaited the magic of waxing (I don’t know what makes the wax European.) to make her lovely and successful.

I looked at their web page, they offer a full service. For a mere fifty dollars, (plus tip, because it’s not nice to leave the person who is holding an armful of cloth strips festooned with a the small forest of tiny hairs that used to be on your face without a gratuity.)  I can get my entire face waxed.

I’m not putting down anyone here, waxers and wax-ees alike (I would like to make a Mr. Miyagi joke here, but I can’t make it happen.) I do occasionally find the need to defuzz my lip. (They never tell you that once you hit the north side of forty, you have to stay constantly vigilant for giant stray black hairs that will spontaneously appear like Betelguese when  least expected.)

I am mostly ok with my eyebrows. I had them shaped many years ago, and have been doing light maintenance with tweezers. I don’t know what motivated the shaping, I wouldn’t exactly win any Grouchy Marx look alike contests, or anything, but the new shape changed deprived me of a small section of hair that grows vertically. The rest of the eyebrow curves horizontally, as eyebrows are wont to do.  I never thought much of it, until I saw a picture of one of my great uncles on my father’s side of the family. I noticed that his eyebrows had the same growth pattern.

By shaping my eyebrows, for whatever reason, I was yanking away pieces of my family history.

I know, I know, I’m putting kind of fine point on the whole grooming thing. But if the European Wax center is pushing their smoothy agenda on the world, I want to start a revolution. I am taking back my vertical eyebrow hair!

I will, however, continue to tweeze the lip and chin when needed.

What? All revolutions start off slow.

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