I’m afraid so.

Published October 18, 2015 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

This last week was challengning, different and downright nervewracking. I’m not even going to discuss what my house looks like. (I feel like a child who thinks by not looking the monster will go away. I think my filthy, disorganized house with it’s unstable foundation is much scarier than any thing that goes bump in the night.)

I had two very productive teaching days last week. I did a playwriting workshop and was amazed at how quickly the drama teaching thing kicked back in.  I also subbed for a history teacher at a Catholic School. I have subbed for this school a few times before, and will be returing their for an all day kindergarten job on Thursday.

After last year, I am very familiar with the quirks and behaviors of Middle School students.  I was completely unprepared with polite, respectful and responsible 7th and 8th graders.

They did get a bit rowdy at the end of the day, but I only had to use my teacher voice once as a warning.  It was great and did give me a major clue as to what enviornment in which I would like to teach.

I also had two performances this weekend.

They were successful, and not just in a “Well, I did my monologue and didn’t have a stroke” kind of way. In an actual, enjoyed the performance and feel confident about performing again.

However, now that I have conquered another one of the things that I was scared of doing, I’m starting to ramp up the worry about a few other things.

Survival is a big one. Its a very first world problem, because I am in no way in immediate danger of losing the roof over my head. Nor am I beseiged by a disfiguring disease, or any other ennobling detractor to a productive life.

I’m worried about being caught in a loop that I can’t escape.

Right now I’m reading $2 a day: living on almost nothing in America. 

It certainly eye opening and pretty damn scary. (I fall asleep listening to unsolved crime mysteries, so it takes a lot to rattle me.

There are thousands of people in our country who are barely getting by. Many of whom do not have a permanent address or reliable source of income.

I do have a stockpile of funds I can get to that will get me through November, but after juggling the fincances and running them through the reality computer, I have come to the grim realization that I need to be working full time by January at the very latest or I will not be able to survive.

I don’t mean that I will immediately drop dead; I couldn’t get that lucky. I mean that I will be in danger of falling into the cycle that so many of the people about whom I’ve read.  A cycle where in a matter of months I could lose most of what surrounds me, including the roof that keeps me dry and shaded.

It can happen so quickly.

I do have the advantage of an excellent and paid for education.  So I do have resources that many do not. It makes me feel a bit better, especially since I can use my powers for good. It costs so little to keep the wolves away from the door. (Cookies and grandma’s nightgown, right?)

I just need to get back out there and take it on.

But I need cookies first.

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