Yesterday I sat down to write, but my thoughts were racing and I couldn’t grab one for long enough to follow. Today, they’re a little slower but I’m still not sure if I should follow. (Yes, my thoughts may turn out to be a long ridiculous trudge to Mordor, but with flying monkeys and time weasels.)
I certainly have plenty to do. I will have a new roommate by the end of the month, so I know I need to start getting things cleaned and shoveled before too long, I just don’t really feel like it. I don’t really feel like doing anything. I do have a meeting this afternoon, so I will have some human interaction. I will also have to change out of my comfy pajama bottoms and put on real clothes and I know once I get dressed and slog out against after school traffic I am in no way going to be willing to do housework. (Yeah,like I’m so eager to hop up right now and clean something.)
I feel guilty when I squander my time. I was so busy last year and did so much that I think my psyche is still teetering and totting up and down trying to find a balance. There’s only so much time I can slack under the guise of recovering without using it as an excuse. (Curse you, highly evolved brain, making me self-aware like that!)
Speaking of Self-Aware, the guys from South Park always manage to stay right on top of current events, and sometimes even ahead of the curve to get those perfectly timed zingers. The show format has changed a bit so each episode relates in some way to previous events. One of the most recent through lines has been the huge rise in pop-up ads on the intrawebs.
I mention this because I opened a window to glance at the news to see if there was anything new and noteworthy. I don’t have access to live TV, so I usually lag a bit behind, but I still want to know if the inhabitants of Monster Island have decided to spend Christmas in New York, you know, enjoying the sites, going ice skating ( I wonder if Godzilla will be disappointed that he has to wait in line to see Santa at Macy’s.)
So I opened the window and as I was about to click on a story, a full page ad took over my screen. I tried to close it, but it wouldn’t close. This exact thing happened on the most recent episode of South Park. There is no way I could be imitating that scenario; I have no conscious control over what Aol slams into my line of vison. Unless, of course, it’s like my professor said, the more you’re aware, the more things become emergent. Which makes sense, because if you are unaware you wouldn’t notice if Godzilla cuts in line so he can stand on the Magic Star at Macy’s. (If you stand on the Magic Star you can see Santa. That’s not magic; that’s a window.
There is so much of me that feels like I am trying to build the Grand Canyon one teaspoon at a time. I’m not distracted yet, but I think someone else is driving.