I have processing disorder. It is a by-product of that brain thing I had. (I refuse to say I have a history of having strokes, because I’ve only had the one. My Amanda Friend says that I had an incident of stroke. EH used to say I have been pre-disastered.) Regardless of how it is referenced, after all of the the debris was cleared and the spackle had dried, I have a processing disorder.
What that means is that I have moments where it takes me a minute to regroup and figure out what is happening or how to respond. It usually happens when I am trying to multi-task or do math. I don’t like it but considering I recovered enough to be aware of it and am not still trying to organize cubes and drinking all of my meals (Seriously, that was a thing) I’m okay with looking a bit dim from time to time.
But a lot of my processing comes from trying to control my impulsivity. I also hear THAT may be a result of the my incident; however, many of the people who have known me for awhile say that I’ve always had a bit of a problem filtering. (I also used to have a hair trigger temper, but that usually only happens in traffic.)
All of that was a preface to the real thing. I have a lot of emotions, feeling and other goop to process and it’s taking me a while to get to the point. (I know, what else is new?) It all began with a moment I had the other day. It was such a strong sense of deja vu it was almost a sense memory thing.
Batman says I should blame it on the nine centimeters. (That would be the nine centimeters of brain I lost. Sometimes small bits of long buried memory or things that I hoped I had blocked out comes back. I am recalling an incident yesterday when the child I tutor had me smell this lip balm she has that is popcorn scented. Let’s just suffice it to say that it lead me to a strange memory I wish I didn’t have.
So, anyway, Mr. Steve used to say strong moments of Deja Vu means that your life is heading on the correct path and your conscious self is bumping into the line of fate. (I’m paraphrasing.)
It does not help at all that I’m still running in many different directions and am working all three jobs this week. I am now tutoring three children and working at three different schools.
Speaking of by-products, I get a little distracted. While Divided-Attention is, indeed a result of brain trauma. It’s also the result of being involved in Show Business and trying to feed yourself and keep a roof over your head.
My Divided Attention was driving me down an incredibly busy street from one school to another. I inadvertently passed a school bus with flashing lights (I swear the lights didn’t go on until I passed it and if I were a bus driver I would do that from time to time to vent my rage at having to drive people’s badly behaved children around.
I got pulled over. By a SWAT commander.
He was very nice and after noticing my name tag from one school, a sticker on my car from another and the name of yet another school on my insurance, thanked me for my service and gave me a warning.
All of this is well and good, but I can only wonder what people thought as they saw my unthreatening self being stopped by a SWAT commander.