As I have said on a number of occasions, one of my special skills is recognizing a pattern in data or behaviors. This is a by product of my Ed Research degree. I prefer to use this power for good, instead of evil even though I could be pulling down a salary in the upper five figures by evaluating standardized test scores. (I would have to wear grown-up clothes and shoes, and there are just some values I won’t compromise.)
In Ed Research we call the recognition of a pattern as becoming emergent. Kind of like when you can see those Magic Eye posters. (I can’t see them. It’s because I think the Emperor is still naked.)
My crazy, slightly dinged brain has been working on the definition of love. What is true love and what is real love. In it’s purest form, love makes you feel. As I stated previously, I am slowly allowing myself to feel all of the feels and it’s through the direct influence of several family members and friends. It is also from the students I teach.
I truly love to teach. I think it’s because I love knowledge and I love distributing the knowledge like so many scratch and sniff stickers.
It’s because I love teaching that I want to stay away from Standardized Testing. That is something I know without being able to recognize patterns.
What I am discovering is that my love involves a certain amount of defensive love. I tend to be overprotective of the ones I love. I’m not nearly as crazed as I used to be. But the defense is still there.
I woke up this morning actually shaking. I know it is because I felt the need to swoop down like an Archangel (or a harpy. Hey, I know who I am.) and protect those who are need. I know one reason I feel this way, but I suspect there is an underlying layer from the performance my elementary students are presenting this evening. The audience will be families and friends and this particular school’s atmosphere. is extremely supportive and there is no where near the level of judgement and angst that I had during the last time I directed a show in an educational environment.
I know there won’t be a Stage Mother who will tell the principal that we should cancel the show because she didn’t think the students were ready.
When a parent did this last year, I immediately went on the defensive. Not for myself, but for my kids. Because how dare she doubt the talents and abilities of my kids?
So I know part of love is wanting to protect the ones you care about from everything, even though most of what we are holding at bay is repugnant, yet inevitable .
Like Standardized Testing.
And we’re back.