I listen to a lot of podcasts because I don’t like my brain to have too much free time on its hands. (Yes, my brain has hands)
I usually stick to the true crime or history podcasts, but sometimes I’ll pick up an unfamiliar blog if I’m interested in the topic.
Right this very minute I am listening to This American Life because the title is “Tell me I’m fat.”
A good portion of the podcast is about accepting who you are and why Fat is still the big, flabby arena where we allowed to rip people apart. One of the speakers, Elna Baker, talks about the huge amount of weight she lost and an ongoing argument she has with her SO Mark. He essentially told her that they would not have gotten together if she was still 110 ten pounds heavier. He is most insistent that the real Elna is thin. Her argument is that she is still the same person, it’s not as if she were walking around with a fat suit waiting for the right time to meet people. Seriously. This man, her HUSBAND says that he would probably not have been interested in her if she was still fat.
After her weight loss, she had several surgeries to get rid of her loose skin. She is embarrassed about her loose skin, I’m assuming. I personally kind of enjoy the fact that my arms and thighs are famine and drought resistant. She states that her past journal entries indicate that she was more accepting of herself and possibly happier when she was heavier because she enjoyed herself more .
She took phentermine to help lose weight and she continues to take it at varying intervals, because as thin as she is, she can still be thinner.
She says she and her spouse are working on it. (I guess they are working on his accepting her for who she is, not what she’s wrapped in?) I wonder how they are going to do if she has a heart attack or stroke because of the speed that she is using to maintain her weight loss. I don’t think he is likely to stand by.
Now say what you will about EH. . .(And if you are short of a few curse words or actual hexes, I can forward your information to The Mom, Amanda Friend or Batman, all of whom would be happy to help you out.) EH was always accepting of who I am, regardless of my weight. I gained a lot of weight around the time I started Grad School, while I have lost a lot of weight and maintained that loss, he never made me feel less than attractive. And when my head blew up due to a sudden spike in my blood pressure causing a an aneurysm to burst, he did step up and made it possible for all of the king’s horses and all of the king’s men put my cracked up little head together again. (True, AWT was still around, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who picked up on her negative vibe, because, you know, she wanted EH to herself) But all in all, I got my brain back and EH left me because he is an adulterous whore, not because I’m chunky.
I started actively losing weight a year after Mr. Steve died. I did this because I know he would want me to have my best life. And my best life includes avoiding the family diseases of diabetes, high blood pressure and a serious overlap of the belly area (I call this Front Butt) It has taken me five years to lose about twenty pounds. But I’ve kept it off. I still have problems with trust but that has nothing to do with my weight.
In fact there have been several incidents as of late that reinforce that I am worthy of love, no matter what my circumference or volume may be.
I worked with Connor yesterday. We had a good tutoring session and he still has balky moments. At the end of the session I was talking with his mother about his progress and what I plan to do for the rest of the week. Connor came bounding out of the house and said, “I want to give Miss Lynda a hug” He then threw his little boy arms around me and gave me a squeeze right around the fattest part of me.
He didn’t care that I have a certain roundness I’m not a big fan of. He just card that Miss Lynda read to him and played word games with him and just maybe tricked him into learning something.
I can get comfortable with that.