My forty-seventh year got off to an odd start (Not as odd as last year which involved my friend Choir Boy accidentally hitting me with his car and causing me to sprain my ankle. Of course the twist-jump-fall move that cause the hurt ankle also cured fixed my aching back. I hurt my back dancing the previous day. What a drag it is getting old.)
I taught a writing class every day last week and got precious little writing done myself. I do have some notes that I can ponder for future inspiration. I ate entirely too much sugar and slama-jammed too much coffee last week thus throwing off my sleep cycle. So now here I am with the only things I really have to do besides die and stay Mexican (That was for you Actor Boy.) is try and stay on top of Mount Crapmore, as I am fondly calling my house, and study for the Texes Core Subjects test. This is another endorsement that I need to add to my Certification so that I can teach Sixth Grade Science (The polite thing is not to laugh like a donkey at the very idea)
My theory on how to keep from completely melting down over this process is to simply handle five things at a time. Five pieces or crap picked up and tidied away, five practice questions for the science test.
I do have a few other things on my agenda, mostly because I can’t keep my head from engaging in the rest of the world.
As the universe knows (Universal Nose?) I have had my share of bad luck when it comes to relationships. But haven’t we all? Something I have noticed is that when someone we once trusted betrays us we immediately blame ourselves. Especially when that someone (Succubus, rat fink , Hell Spawn, Arkansas White Trash, The Absence of All That is good and Holy, it goes my many names) seems to have escaped Scot free. (Why the hell won’t Scot step up and do his job?!!)
Case in point: I am a nice person albeit not very rational and I try to do kind things and be nice to people. I love kids and I love watching kids learn. This is why I have left the glamour of show biz for the equally lucrative field of education.
About four years ago I had a procedure that would make a future pregnancy highly unlikely (because in my family, we don’t say impossible.) At the time I mentioned to EH that if we wanted to have kids the ship was about to sail. He said,” If we really wanted kids we would have had them twenty years ago.”
Fast forward to now when he is the father of three little boys, all of whom are adorable and will probably inherit their mother’s terrible teeth. Meanwhile here I sit with a slight overbite and no kids.
When I found out that AWT was in labor with the current batch of children, twins, I ate two pieces of cake and I mountain of Cheetos.
It is human nature to blame ourselves for other people’s bad behavior. It is not my fault that my Ex-husband decided to be adulterous. It is Actor Boy’s fault that little girls think its fun to lie, especially since his heart is so genuine he can’t imagine a world where someone he loves would be devious.
Trusting someone you love should be a given. But sometimes you have to take it back.