I may have misheard

Published December 26, 2016 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

My world generally amuses me. It confuses those around me because I think I see and hear things that others don’t. (Yes, this does concern me a bit. I don’t think I am actually hallucinating and as long as the house doesn’t start telling me to “Get Out!”, I should be ok.)

Recently I had a giggle fit in Target. I was shopping with my Amanda Friend and we were looking at Christmas ornaments. There were several cute animal ornaments and they were on sale. I looked at a jaunty rabbit in a scarf and sweater and I directed her attention to a dapper looking goat. She picked up one and asked me, befuddled,” A goat with his head slightly askew?”

For some reason this struck me as hilarious and I began to laugh so hard I couldn’t  stand up. Then I had the thought that maybe the goat was looking at something really interesting in the clearance aisle. Except I was laughing and couldn’t breathe and explain this.

Fortunately Amanda is very familiar with me and my humor  so she quietly reminded me that I needed to get cheese and we went to another aisle. I left with minimal bursts of laughter and gasps of “askew.”

Batman and I have been together for a little over six months now and he is gradually adjusting to my weird humor.  There are still moments where he doesn’t quite get me. I think he is wondering if my medication needs to be adjusted.

We watch a lot of TV and movies, as a between gigs actor and an exhausted teacher on a tight budget are wont to do. We seem to have found a happy middle ground between science fiction and true crime.

Several weeks ago I had dozed off while Batman was watching a movie called” Midnight Meat Train.” It starred Bradley Cooper and was, allegedly, a horror movie.  I do like horror movies and have no serious objections about Bradley Cooper. The part that I saw truly upset me. In it, Cooper had just rescued a woman from being menaced by group of urban youth. He asked the terrified woman as she huddled on the ground if she was ok. She, of course, said yes.

I immediately proclaimed my position on this situation. If I were in this situation, I would say, “F!!!@K No,Bradley Cooper! I’m not ok.  Take me to the hospital or the police station or at least buy me a drink! I think I’m in shock. I’m not ok! ”

I realize that probably ruined Batman’s enjoyment of the movie.  But it did give him a look into how I think, and he still likes me! I am beginning to feel a lot less dead inside and let the inner goof in me come out.  The other night I was lying limp with exhaustion from the second to last day of school before Christmas Break and Batman was telling me about a movie he wanted to see that had Christian Bale and a few other elses. Now he was telling me this from another room, and I could have sworn he said, “Christmas Potato Hoochie Wand.” Of course this made me laugh,chortle and guffaw to the point where I could do little else but roll from side to side.

Trying to explain this made me sound even crazier. He still was willing to give me the best Christmas Present ever. He cleaned my house. The entire house. Not just tidied, but hard clean.

Batman is truly a superhero.  Even the things I mishear from him are amazing.










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