I haven’t written for a while. I have had many, many things to say, some of which I would be able to say without having to censor myself or even sedate myself too much. But I haven’t been focused enough to find the time.
You see, I am a teacher and as any teacher can tell you the one thing we always need is enough. Enough time, enough supplies, enough funding. There is never enough.
I haven’t written because I haven’t had enough time. I’ve been using it on other things.
The thing is this is the at least the tenth time I have sat down to write, but just haven’t. I wanted to write about Fayth.
Last week one of my students was taken from us. It was unexpected and it was horrible. It was so horrible I can’t bear to allow the words for it to share the space with my memory.
Fayth Norman was a lovely bright girl. I do not use those words lightly. When I say lovely, I mean exquisitely beautiful. Her white blonde hair floated down the hall as she laughed her way to class. She was bright in that light literally radiated from her smile.
Another student said talking to Fayth was like getting to see what a little bit of heaven was like. She made every day better and brighter.
I have been trying to avoid the actual gone ness of her because it makes me angry. Apparently my anger has been frightening people. (I’ve been a little tense for a number of reasons.)
Batman said something this weekend that resonated with me. About an unrelated issue he said that he would like for someone to dig through all of the red tape and say, “I know it’s wrong, I know it doesn’t make sense. The rules say ‘this is what you’re supposed to do’ But you matter! Let’s throw away the rules. Let’s go through this together and make it make sense. Because you matter. We will find a different way. Because you matter. ”
This is exactly what I get to do with each of my students. And that’s why I miss Fayth. And why I would miss each and every other student if they were suddenly not there.
I can close my eyes and see the warm brown eyes and slow smile on one side of the room to the funny and goofy faces another student makes to amuse everyone. Then there is the one student who always does the exact opposite of what you think he will and it is hilarious every time.
And I will miss Fayth.
But I will not lose her.
She is right here in my heart.