Feeling surprisingly life-like today, I wandered out on a planned adventure, the likes of which I only had with the late Steve Garrett. I started with a planned treat of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and coffee. When I arrived, the HOT NOW sign was on, so I took this as a sign of good fortune. I happily made a giant mess of icing and coffee leavings, then headed out to the Thrift Store Outlet (It’s 25 cent day!)
I had a grand adventure (two bags of u for 4 bucks!) and felt so good I thought I would run some errands. I gleefully put gas in my car and got some healthy grub for the week and headed back home, fully intending to put up my frozen foods away and then go to the gym.
When I got in the car, my keys were tangled in my purse strap, so I simply unhooked my car keys. I was very absorbed in my audio book so I didn’t pay much attention to anything else.
A word about my keys. I have a history of losing my keys, leaving my keys in weird places and just generally not being able to keep track of my stuff. To remedy this, I keep all of my keys on one faux carabiner. Each set of keys is on its own mini-biner. I put the whole magilla on a hook that is closely monitored by a bunny named Aerial. (He also keeps track of the important mail. It’s a daunting task.)
When I unhooked my car keys, I’m assuming I also unhooked my brain, because I didn’t give my other keys a second thought, or if I did, the though was knocked out of the way when a car pulled in front of me, causing me to slam on my brakes, thus showering myself with cherry tomatoes. (You know, if I’d bought a box of twinkies, it would have been an easier clean-up.)
When I got home, I turned off the car and looked for my keys. I couldn’t immediately find them and I had frozen food, so I walked around to the back of the house to break in. It’s about 95 humid degrees outside so I was huffing and sweating and completely disturbed the stray cat who hangs out in the driveway. (I probably should have thanked him for the dead Blue Jay I found earlier today.) I got all of my food inside and started to clean out my car. I worked up a good sweat and then decided to call the store and see if I had dropped them in the parking lot. I was pretty sure I hadn’t, but I didn’t want to have a heat stroke before knowing for sure.
I felt like an idiot as I described my keys to the clerk. No one had turned them in. I decided I would get a Route 44 Limeade to cool off before continuing to look for my keys. As I turned the corner from my house on to the main street, a plastic ball rolled out from the backseat (a long story.) and lodged near my foot. I thought I might oughta pull over and so I don’t have a truly stupid accident. I pulled over and as I picked up the ball, I saw my keys wedged between the seatbelt and center console. As I dug my keys out, the little voice in my head remarked, “This will not be the stupidest thing you do today.”
Oh, no, that was the next thing. I ordered my big, icy drink and prepared to go home. Left turns on this street are tricky because traffic is not consistent and there are two separate blindspots. I started to turn and noticed a car trying to squeeze ahead, so I turned sharply. This caused my full drink to leap off of the seat (Not the drink holder, the seat.) where I had placed it.
The entire drink landed on the floorboards. As I scooped ice out of the car the voice in my head said, “You should probably go home now.”
Sigh. I hope my stupidity is done for the day.