Zombies and Unicorns and Zebras (Oh my implied)

Published April 8, 2018 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

It is no secret that much of information comes from satire news sources and frequent glances at CNN and/or the Huffington Post. It is also no secret that my brain functions like a windsock, whipping around to catch ideas and notions.

Most people have a healthy amount of skepticism when it comes to this kind of thing, such as hearing hoofbeats and thinking “horses” not “zebras”  (I would also accept bored actors doing a Monty Python bit.)   I have also heard that lawyers refer to innocent clients as Unicorns as in they only exist in myth, or in the bedrooms of pre-teen girls (not creepy, they are innocent remember?)

In World War Z, when Brad Pitt was in Israel backtracking an email (I’m a bit sketchy the details because I was a bit dozy during most of the movie, but really, why take the only person who can figure out the epidemic into the danger zone and let him flail around with a weapon, and seriously? Why did Brad Pitt have his satellite phone ringer on? And what kind of needy bitch has to call her husband when she knows he’s doing something really important like trying to survive the Zombie Apocalypse? I’m aggressively codependent and I don’t expect BatBeard to answer the phone on a four show day.)

Pitt talks to a man whose sole job it is to believe the impossible, or as he puts it “sometimes zombies means zombies”

Now it isn’t my actual job, but I, too, always believe in the zombie unicorn zebra because my actual world is so bizarre that a zombie riding a unicorn chasing a zebra wouldn’t even cause me to blink.   And it’s not just the 95% fatality rate stroke survivor thing or the fact that the Mom had a tumor the size of an egg inside of one of the chambers of her heart, had open heart surgery and was able to do the reading at my grandparents 50th anniversary mass before her stitches were fully healed, or the fact that my father had a brief bout of cancer (you heard that right, his cancer was treated and gone faster than the walking pneumonia I had two years ago), my day to day life is just odd.

I ran across this news story Missing CDC doctor found. Now the story is slanted to point out that he was passed up for a promotion, possibly prompting his drowning the death. My initial interest was based on the whole missing person angle, after all I am an avid follower of the unknown. ( I did indeed mean to say that) but then the Zombie Unicorn Zebra whispered in my ear, “What did he do at the CDC?” So glad you asked, ZUZ, he was a  highly respected epidemiologist. Then my brain said, “What is that?” So google told me that epidemiology is the branch of medicine dealing with the incidence and prevalence of disease of large populations and with detection of the source and cause of epidemics of infectious disease.” Then the ZUZ said, “EEEEEEEE”

I concur, ZUZ, I concur.  Most people wouldn’t see this as alarming but what if there is a looming epidemic and this man just opted out before the madness begins?

I did promise my students cupcakes if there’s an apocalypse. So if you see the ZUZ, let me know.

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