I really would like to have a day without weirdness. I just don’t think I’m wired that way. (Interesting how wired is an anagram of weird.) Today was the farewell performance of the one act that I have been working on with my hearty band of sixth graders. Due to the generosity of a friend from college, who is currently teaching at my Alma Mater, we were able to perform on a real stage with real lights and also some real loud noise coming from the construction crew working on the front of the building. (Hey, the course of, well, anything never did/does run smooth(ly).
I am having a rough night. I have them from time to time, usually when I am stressed and have been overstimulated through a day long workshop combined with a lack of quality nutrition,unless you could a protein drink, a skinny latte, two diet cokes a slice of cheese pizza and a bowl of popcorn quality nutrition. So that may be why I’m having such a weird night. I’m having body aches and I’m too tired and pent up to sleep. I’m having feelings and thoughts.
I feel guilty because I am spending my day tomorrow writing articles and prepping for a class (same topic, new kids.) that will take four days to cover. Next week will be a whirlwind of angst and nerves, not just because I have to teach an entire chapter of Math next month so that their teacher for the next year won’t be gunny sacked by having too much catch up work. Why the guilt? Because I was with my theatre kids all day today, I didn’t have a chance to do any of my freelance for work or even my lesson plans, I can’t help my mother out tomorrow by sitting with my grandmother.
I feel guilty because I am so desperately in love with a man I can’t see (He’s not on another plane of existence, just in Myrtle Beach. I miss him terribly ever single day. It’s getting to be the time of year whereI remember the day I lost my best good friend Steve, He Died on May 14, 2010 at 2:44 pm. So I’m feeling deep sadness.
I am also feeling stress because I have to be teaching a Math component or a reading and writing component every single minute my kids are in the classroom.
I am also feeling pain because now that I am nigh on to 50 (two months nigh) There is a slow ache in most of my bones. It’s tension inducing. The only person who I can have this conversation with is long ago asleep and her life is packed with enough tension without me providing the glittery sprinkles and nonpareils to fancy it up.
I should probably get to sleep and see what happens . I once had a dream that I gave Abe Vigoda a bag of frozen chicken.