What? I know.

Published June 2, 2019 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I understand Kit Harrington.  No, I’m not a hot young actor with limitless possibilities, but I am someone whose job has ended and is finding themselves at a loss to the point of despair.

A few weeks ago, I was informed that there was not a place for me at the school I was hoping to make my home until retirement.  To be honest, I feel as if I have failed at my mission.

I know I’m a good teacher. I know that I tried my best. And right know, in this moment, I know that I have failed.  I have a sense of grief and loss.

So, now I am rapidly applying for new jobs and trying to find a new place and new students.

I am concerned about money.  I have no idea when my last paycheck will be coming. I am teaching summer school, but that is certainly not going to see  me through the whole summer. I’m hoping I can land somewhere and have a new contract before August so it will be only the summer I have to get through.

I will be fifty in just a few weeks and while I am delighted that Actor Boy and BatBeard will both be here to celebrate. I am currently having that mid-life crisis thinking, that, to be honest, I should have had 15 years ago, but I have been under the delusion that I am still in my late twenties, even though the rings around my eyes clearly tell a different story.

I am afraid that I am running out of the energy to start over again.

This past school year, I would comment to the baby teacher that I did a daily” Is the republic crumbling?” check.

Short answer yes, and.. . .

Long answer no, but . . . .

I am fortunate that I have people in my life with whom I can have intelligent conversations. Today’s topic: what the current changes in the world really mean.

I have quoted the TV series, “The Handmaid’s Tale”. In the first episode Offred says, “It didn’t happen overnight.”

So now that current political climate is wagging the dog over women’s rights.

I think that the abortion bans slowly creeping across the country are a way to distract from the fact that it’s not about abortions. It’s about the reductions of women’s rights and it’s not going to be recognized until it’s far too late.

It’s almost as terrifying as having to trudge back to square one. Because it is the same. It’s depressing and it is like having your whole life pushed back to default because it’s like watching winter come and arrive and leave you empty handed and alone.

And it didn’t happen overnight.

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