buzzkill

All posts in the buzzkill category

inferiority, complex?

Published April 3, 2018 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I am having the kind of day where I can’t do anything right.  I  started out feeling guilty because I didn’t let Samantha (the cat) lick my toast and she mewed piteously at me.  (What if she dies today, bereft of toast?)  Then, as I was getting ready to leave, I saw the strip of ceiling hanging loose because the entire house is running down the hill and I felt a) like a terrible housekeeper because, really, shouldn’t I get on a stepladder with a glue gun and fix it? and b) like a generally terrible human being because I should be out of this house by now because EH and the Adulteress (world’s worst punk band) picked it out and I can still see the spot of floor I stared at and counted to 100 so I wouldn’t pick up a wiffle bat and wail on both of them while they were hugging before I went to my grandfather’s funeral. I totally could have gotten away with it too.

Then I got to school and felt guilty because I’m not particularly excited to be back teaching and guiding young minds. Then I felt worse because after carefully planning my lessons, I discovered that I haven’t been putting in enough information on the plans. I am supposed to put a four step evaluation, objective and process plan into every lesson. I teach five subjects and some days the objective is to get the kids through the day with the ability to walk and talk at the same time.  The educational guilt cycle continued with a mild reprimand because I have been using the wrong copier to make the double sided copies for my class.  No one has ever told me not to use this copier nor has any one demonstrated the double sided features of the other copier to me.  (All of the other classes have workbooks for the exercises I was copying. It is a mystery to me why I don’t have a class set of these books, but since I still haven’t found the curriculum guide that last years’s teacher prepared.)  I have a heap of work still to do, but just found out I have a meeting after school.

I still have three hours left in my school day. I can’t  wait to see how I fall to the occasion.

Perpetual Audition

Published March 28, 2018 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I watch entirely too much television. There is an episode of the Simpsons where Lisa unmasks town founder Jebediah Springfeld as a fraud.  Over the course of the episode, auditions are being held for Town Idiot.

An actor presents his resume for Panicky Idiot #4.

I feel like I am constantly in the running for this role.

This is a particularly trying week. It is Holy Week and my class is presenting the Living Stations of the Cross on my favorite day, Maundy Thursday.

The whole concept is a big adventure for me; I have seven boys and two girls. All of my boys came back from Spring Break obsessed with farts and other inappropriateness. Still, I have faced worse. On Monday, Jesus was absent and Mary, the mother of God went home with Pink Eye.  While Jesus is back, Mary is not. So I am now doing the 15 stations of the cross with 8 students.

Not only that, I have morning duty this week, which means I get to stand out on the curb from 8:30-8:50 in the morning. It rained yesterday, and today,  a bunch of ants crawled up my pant leg and now I am covered with itchy pink welts.  I don’t get a free period for another hour, so I can’t get any benadryl, which, of course, will zombify me. Right now, Zombie is better than Panicky Idiot.

Both of these things are keeping me from focusing on a large section of my big picture. I am incredibly lonely, and I may have made a mistake that will perpetuate the lonely.  I know I can do a lot of stuff by myself.  That doesn’t mean I necessarily want to.

I probably can function without coffee.

No one wants to see me try.

I don’t mean to have a woe is me tone,mostly a Job is me.