All posts tagged Cracked

Possibly the most apt description ever

Published January 11, 2016 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

CNN will only let me listen to five minutes of breaking news at a time.

After that I have to log in with my television provider.  I’m pretty sure they won’t accept Netflix and Hulu as an answer.  Am I not entitled to news?  I could go on a big scary rant right now, but I don’t really care that much,because I know that if something truly important happens, someone will alert me.

RIP, David Bowie.

So, as per usual, I am left to get my news online from various news sources. I regularly consult MSN, Huffington Post, Cracked, The-Line-Up, and Feedly, and then I do my own gleaning and processing.

Buzzfeed has an interesting article/commentary about 2015 being the hottest year on record Here’s the link.  It goes a long way towards explaining how and why forests are bursting into flame and why we spent a balmy Christmas.

One direct quote resonated with me “Normal is a moving target.”

That actually is a good way to describe many of my days.  (My Amanda Friend helped define my life and personality the other day when I mentioned that I am practically a cartoon. She commented, “Reinflating after an anvil falls on you.” )

I don’t have an average day. Even when I was teaching full-time, average was difficulty to grasp.  Today, I made a list of goals. I find the word “goals” is less threatening than the phrase “to-do”. “To-Do” looks like it’s bossing me around and I just don’t need that kind of pressure, especially not from a piece of paper. My computer screen and Weight Watchers tracker are already giving me the fish-eye.  I have no idea why; I am certainly working hard in both areas.

I have the list and I have met three of the seven goals. I’m not quite at the mid-day crash.  But I am confident that it will happen (It’s not on the list; it’s expected.  I am not going to start an “expectations” list because I do not want a nervous breakdown. )

I create weird around me.  After forty-six years, I am at the point of grim acceptance.

Case in point: I went to the dealership to pick my the plates and registration for my new Kia. (!) I was told to just pull into the service bay and that someone would put the plates on my car. I told the service people what I was there for and that I had to go inside to actually sign for the plates. I stopped off in the Ladies Room (long drive, too much coffee.) And so I didn’t pop immediately back out to the car.  I heard someone announce:

“Who left their Soul in the service bay?”

This was before noon.

Sources say . . . .

Published November 26, 2015 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I’m not sure why I consider the Cracked website as a source for most of my information.

Here’s the headline array: 

6 Space Projects That Will Guarantee Aliens Will Hate Us

5 Eerily Specific Things Every Human Does Exactly the Same

The Real Reason You Wait: 6 ER Realities Not Seen On TV

5 Bad Jokes That Literally Ruined People’s Lives

How Many Martys Had to Die In Back To The Future?

6 Shockingly Outdated Problems The US Legal System Won’t Fix

And that’s just the beginning, I could spend hours spring boarding (or is that springing board?)  off of some of that information.  Without even reading any of the articles, I recall that I had a huge moment of self-awareness when I realized that EVERYONE turns over the pillow to look for the cool side.  Ever see a cat notice its own reflection? It was just like that, except with a slightly chunky third grader in a Catholic School Uniform.

I am not at all surprised that Aliens will hate us. Most of the world already hates us. Especially those parts of the world where people have to travel for miles to get clean drinking water and most of us won’t drink water unless it is chilled or in a plastic bottle that is going to loll around in a landfill until we are digging them up to create rafts to float around after the polar ice caps melt.

I’m really trying to stay off of the soap box, but I had a LOT of coffee today. My Amanda Friend enabled me.  As far as the Back to the Future thing; it’s not a new concept. It will actually make your brain ping or burp or whatever  you brain does (I don’t know you. My brain actually sends out a tiny gnome with a wee little pick axe to flail around.)

Think about it for a moment (That’s all the gnome will let me). Every single time Marty changed something, it made him a different Marty in the future. That means a Marty had to cease to exist.  (You’re welcome.) 

I had a complete and utter meltdown over the ending to Michael Chricton’s Sphere, movie and book.

IT DID NOT MAKE SENSE!  I won’t spoil the ending or anyone if they don’t already know it.  I was teaching at an alternative school when I read the book and I brought it in and sketched through the ending with some of the kids.  One by one they exclaimed, “But you can’t do that! It’s not . . . It doesn’t work out!” 

I felt vindicated and a bit cheated. 

But also grateful that I got to experience some time with a bright group of students who everyone else had given up on.

I am also grateful that I have the lucidity to be self-aware and the capacity to write and a wonderful computer on which to take my snark to dangerous new heights. 

Have a wonderful holiday, my American readers!  (Readers from other parts of the world, feel free to point and laugh at how we celebrate someone else’s generosity  by gorging ourselves at the trough of Capitalism.)

It might look like crazy, but it’s possibly insane.

Published July 23, 2015 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I had a job interview today. I think it went well and I will know for sure tomorrow. The school looks great and it would be nice to get hired right away. I’m always a bit trepidatious when it comes to interviewing; I really try to not sound nuts, but sometims it just leaks through. Today I think only one or two things might be considered odd. Like when the principal asked me how I know my students enjoy my class, I told him what one of my students said last year, ” She’s the craziest person I’ve ever met. I love her class!” So I did come right out and say that a sixth grader thought I was nuts. That’s not too bad, right? So then the principal asked what would I do if the entire class seemed to be losing focus. I said, without missing a beat, “Polka Break.” A former colleague would come into my office, shriek, “Polka Break!” and then we would polka for a few moments. I went on to say that it didn’t have to be polka, it could be Panda Bear Madness Minute, or a Muppet Arm Workout. I, of course, demonstrated all of these. A little nutso, but not too bad. According to Cracked’s list of the 13 Most Insane Things happening right now, NASA’s New Horizon Spacecraft just did a fly by of Pluto. I think that’s a wee bit insane. Outer Space freaks me out. I watch a lot of crime drama and documentaries about unsolved mysteries but Aliens and space in general gives me the heebiest of jeebies. I think the space program is a direct result of unbridled hubris and our inability to stay out of things.  What changes could that space money have made right here on earth?Maybe provide food and safe drinking water for people without access to Brita Filters or Starbucks. Or how about basic hygiene products for the thousands of girls who miss school during what they call their “Week of Shame”? The list goes on and on. It sets my teeth on edge. Edgy teeth makes me think of my brother. (He has a habit of griding his teeth.) He has an interesting space program theory: The moon landing was real. The space walk on the dark side of the moon was also real and our astronauts were told by the dark side inhabitants that we need to stay on our own side if we know what’s good for us. And thus far we have. That makes so much sense it’s crazy. And we’re back.

Limited information underload

Published December 23, 2014 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

While Crazy Drama Lady is enjoying the downtime, Writer Chick is starting to get restless. (That’s my version of the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, or my old, tired behind doesn’t really want to get up off of the couch and my relatively  nimble mind is relying on Netflix and XO Jane and the Facebook news feed for any outside stimulation. )

My brain and psyche have called it a draw;I am marathon watching Bridezillas, mostly so my brain can stomp around and ask importantly, “Who are these people?”  (Yes, my brain has feet. )

I wonder how much of this show is editing or if people are really as awful as they seem.

My other information resource, the various articles at, tell me that maybe people aren’t as bad as the seem, but there are several natural disasters that the populace may not be aware of. All of these disasters could happen at any time with Extinction Level results.

That leaves me pondering what will future civilizations will make of us. This is definitely something to think about while you wrap up your Christmas shopping.