All posts tagged Crazy

Copious and Salient, both at the Same Time

Published November 19, 2015 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

After a considerable lull, I am back to being somewhat busy.  It’s not the crazy busy I was at this time last year, this is a more manageable-with-medication busy.  Except the medication is cold medicine and not the Dear-G0d-will-someone-take-her-down- with-tranquilizers-prescriptions.   I have been substituting a lot at one particular school (four days this week and I hear from the principal that teachers are starting to request me.) I even heard a kid woo-hoo with delight that I was going to indeed be their sub for the day.

It’s all well and good, and is keeping me solvent and able to keep Samantha and the Other Cat fed. (OC doesn’t actually live here, he just strolls by in the morning and if he sees movement in the kitchen he sits calmly on the porch and stares in at me until I take the hint and go out and put food in the dish, then he ambles by and feigns surprise that their just happens to food on offer for a cat such as he.)

I am writing a lot, mostly in longhand. As I have said, like Harold Lauder, I save the best of myself for longhand.  I have had many bursts of inspiration as I observe and supervise students. I am taking copious notes, so rest assured that I will be able to wax idiotic on several topics once I slow down a bit.

I am very good at taking notes. I’m not sure which teacher is responisble for teaching me this skill. I know note taking while reading came from Mrs. Koziol, so I’m fairly certain that my note taking setting was installed by Sister Collette Ross in the Seventh Grade (Note to self, there is a huge story in my whole seventh grade year. Revelation: this was a watershed year for me.)

I once took notes in my sleep when I was a Freshman in College. It was in American History and it was a staggering series of sentences about Thomas Jefferson taking a turkey for a walk.  I’m sure that is a window into my madness.  I honed my note taking skills in Grad school, where my scholarly attitude to class assignments during production week was the envy of all of my fellow students.  (In fact it set the bar for one particular class. Every other student had to read at least as far as I had gotten in the Dramatic Criticism and Theory text and take “salient notes”.  I was the most popular, exhausted student in the class. I vaguely remember sitting in the Green Room at Texas Woman’s Unveristy as everyone else clamored for a peek at my notes.  As we discussed them, one person said, “There is  a word I didn’t understand.” I said, ” Tenet. It means a principle or belief, as in ,Tenets of Graduate Students should include intellectual curiousity.’ “)

I may be tangential, but I am well punctuated.

Both at the same time

Published May 25, 2015 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

As strange and bizarre as my life is (Imagine, I know you find that hard to believe) sometimes I can’t think of anything to write about. (I’m waiting to see what else happens to the state of Juan Diego on my grandmother’s front lawn. I only have half of the story right now.)

Whenever I get stuck for ideas, I usally cruise the Xo Jane site or Jezebel, because I just love those snarky babes. (That is meant as a huge compliment. There are whole days when I long for someone to call me a snarky babe. I also go out with these snarky babe dreams and come back with crazy bitch reality.) Anyway, I looked at XO Jane but just felt guilty that I’m not quite up on actual news enough to comment with the right edge, or intelligent snark that XO deserves.

Jezebel got me. They had a while new angle on the Duggar horror (I’m speaking of the child molestation, not the fact that one woman who is basically a baby factory is allowed to be quoted on actual decisions and makes  statements that have an impact on her children and possibly the misinformed at large, when we know that pregnant and post pregnancy women are in a kerfuffle of hormones and if you do the math, how much of her life has she spent being pregnant? (Really, do the math, I’m terrible at math.)

Of course, I’m talking about the Josh Duggar child molestation thing. If you have been living in a cave on Mars with your fingers in your ears (Move over, I’ll join you!) follow the link

And while you’re there, check out the story the new French Law that states grocery stores will be fined if they waste unsold food.  I’m glad someone is thinking about this. I went on a rant about wasted water at school the other day. Just the number of almost full water bottles that get throw away at the end of the day is embarrassing.

Check it out. There’s some fun stuff.

I’ll get back to you on Juan Diego and his mysterious plight.

All that action twirling, twirling

Published September 7, 2014 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

If I had to describe this past week in a word, INSANE covers it. Fortunately, while the week was insane, I survived mostly intact. ( I say mostly because my ankles and feet were so sore yesterday it felt like I was walking on bricks instead of feet and I injured my vocal cords to the point that my voice dropped half an octave for a full 24 hours.)

Here is a brief overview:

I was filled with hope and joy after hearing that my class was a favorite, and that my crazy is viewed as a good thing.  The other side of that is that no one wants to transfer out of that class to reduce the number. In fact, two people who transferred out, want back in. This is all well and I good, I love my students. It’s just that there is 43 of them. At one time. In one accoustically challenged room.

The meeting I attended about upcoming productions did very little to reassure me and quite a bit to make me practice the slow breathing so I don’t have a nervous breakdown thing.  The meeting was also attended by my former  Arch-Nemesis. She had not heard the details of EH and the Adulteress (Coming soon, starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Executive Producer, Chelsea Handler. I gave her the highlights.

Her response: You deserve better.

Universe, are you listening? I can give you directions and GPS coordinates

That made me feel a little less like melting down.

Meltdown got a reboot when I got home at 7 PM and realized that unless I went to the store on the way home the next day, it would be highly likely that I would have to take a bag of frozen cauliflower for lunch.

Many, many things happened. There were three minor altercations in my classroom, nothing major and nothing violent just some bubbles that needed to be popped. That all worked out ok.

I also got two hugs (Side of course because we aren’t allowed to provide any affection to our students.  Both of these hugs were student initiated and I will not, shall not, won’t not refuse a child’s hug.)

The highlights of the week were the tidbits of hilarity that were sprinkled out over the two day review of the origins of theater:

“Don’t start without me; I’m the goddess of Beauty.”

” Is this part of your play, or are you just being a pain?”

” Get out of my scene or I will cut you.”-Delivered with a crisply perfect British Accent.

and my hands down favorite moment, Caveman wanting Cavewoman to leave the skin on the Sabertoothed Tiger when she cooked it to lock in the flavor.  She wanted to remove the skin and roast it on a dry grill.

The week wrapped out with the sixth and seventh grade Howdy Dance.

I offered to help out because I actually like that kind of thing and I probably won’t have much time near productions to help out anyone.

The dance was interesting.   It’s amazing how little things change. Girls still roamed in packs. Boys still refused to dance, but wandered about trying to figure out who was taken and who was available. The first incident of someone storming tearfully out of the Gym happened forty-five minutes in.  It was a boy. There were three other tearful exits, at least one Best Friend facilitated break-up and two wonderful things that almost defy description.

The dance was attended by a tiny little cowboy. He was a sixth grader who hasn’t hit his growth spurt. He was the perfect blue-jeaned-white-shirt-brown-boot-wearing cowboy. He also apparently did the worm dead center on the dance floor. I was keeping kids from bringing in food or drinks (I actually body-checked one kid who tried to sneak by with a Dr. Pepper. Not on my watch.) so I didn’t get to see it. When the tiny cowboy exited for refreshment, he politely bowed as he walked past, giving me a respectful, “Ma’am.”

It was so cute I wanted to plotz.

The second wonderful thing happened when I was watching the girl’s bathroom. (If four or more girls went in, I had to stand in the open door. ). One of my students came by and introduced me to her friend. They remarked with amazement that some sixth grade girls were actually going with sixth grade boys. As if on cue , one of the breaking up couples whimpered by. My student tossed a handful of Skittles in her mouth and said, “I don’t know what the big deal is. Some guy invited me to come here tonight.  I came. He’s not here. Big deal, I have my friends.”  Her friend agreed with her. They clinked their cans of soda and chomped happily.

I wish I was that smart when I was in the sixth grade


I wish I could say I was suprised

Published September 3, 2014 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

Life as a full-time teacher is definitely an interesting transition from my usual life of functional tree sloth with internet access.

I say interesting because many of the words I could use do not exist in any known language. (It’s actually a lot of sounds that vary from surprised to shocked with a few bits of horror tossed in.) I have often said that kids say things that I could not possibly sit down and make up as dialogue.  They also do things that no one would believe if it wasn’t happening inches from their face.

I started with Aristotle and his Poetics. From there I went to Dionysus, the Greek Wino who loved entertainment. From there we went to the Rules of Improv and on to creative drama with fairy tales.  I know that sounds like a lot to cover in the first week of school, but we did it. Some of the information actually stuck to some of the kids. (Interesting because it was Friday before I got a roll of tape for my classroom.)

Today we had a quick wrap up and review. It was quick because apparently all of the children ate chocolate covered crack over the long weekend and I didn’t want to turn my back on them to adjust the power point.

We discussed rituals and the fact that mankind has an innate need to imitate, thus we must perform.

Tomorrow we are going on to cave paintings.

I’m only a little scared of the idea, but it’s in the lesson plan, so I will make it happen.

At the surprise faculty meeting today (It was a surprise to me, I’m not sure if it was a surprise to anyone else.) I was recognized with a pin that said, “I made a difference today.”  I was awarded this pin because a child was asked by the Principal how the first week of school went.  The response he got was, “Ms. Rodriguez is the craziest person I have ever met.  I love going to her class.” I have to admit I wasn’t surprised by the crazy.

I’m not sure where to go from there.  Maybe maniacal? Or creatively loony.


I mention it yet again

Published December 2, 2013 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

Most of my problems today are First World and I acknowledge that I have a pretty damn terrific life with a family that loves me, and a roof over my head and high speed internet and a mother who will bring me painkillers, a pumpkin spice latte and a snowman  cookie, but there are still a bunch of things, that, quite frankly, hork me royal.

I do not like some blog platforms (Yes, I know they’re free and I’m getting what I paid for so shut up already.) because they continually change things in an effort to make things easier. They have playskooled me into confusion. (I’m pretty sure they weren’t aware that THIS user is not all that friendly.) 

I pulled a muscle in my back yesterday while performing the strenuous task of unloading the dishwasher. I am much better today, but my schedule has seriously been compromised (and I didn’t get to use my great Barnes and Noble coupon!)  

I feel unproductive and wan. And I hate it. I think I still have some painkiller residue slowing me down. I want to actively research the topic “Who is this crazy bitch?” by following up on random articles in a variety of magazines. (I got this idea from Jezebel’s article about  “Fit Mom” (the woman who posed in a bikini with her three children and the caption “What’s Your Excuse?) being banned from Face Book over the weekend for Fat-Shaming.

That, coupled with many, many clips from Youtube on Black Friday give me a great platform off which to jump. 

This could lead to a  variety of related projects:Crazy bitches through the ages and why didn’t the cool chicks smack them a good one? 

Wonder if I could get The National Endowment for the Humanities to underwrite that. 

Is it crazy in here or is it just me?

Published July 23, 2013 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I realize that anything I say in my defense only makes me sound crazier.  My friend James says that it’s a good kind of crazy. (Actually he said that he has four cats and collects Star Wars figures so maybe he wasn’t the best judge of crazy.)

I don”t know how I should take that.

It has been a long day. There has been a headache building dully in most of my head all day. It hasn’t really slowed me down much, just enough to make me leave my shopping list at home.( I forgot bread and bug spray) So unless I planned to to either eat a poison sandwich or lure bugs into my house with toast and jam, I’m ok.)

The headache continued to build and I started to advance panic because you know, my head is just a time bomb waiting to go off. It’s a neat trick but I already did it, so I would have to top that incident. Or, hey, just not do it.

I have a good friend who is much smarter and sciencey than I and she once told me that the cracks in the human skull respond to changes in the barometric pressure.  Believe me, it is a relief to know that the headache is caused by the head gnome using his barometer as a lever to crank up the pressure in my head. And just in case that’s not enough to make me crazy, the gnome sees to have worked out a deal with Google Chrome.  A Chrome Gnome, if you will.

In the course of the time it has taken me to dazzle you with today’s report from the crazy front, Google chrome has crashed no less than 5 times.  I don’t know who is responsible for this. (perhaps the time weasels are setting up with Internet Explorer.  That is if the explorer in question was the kind that got lost on the search. )

It’s maddening. But it’s time for bed.

I wrote a review today that contained the phrase Warning: Multiple Alien Partners.

Tomorrow must be better.  Instead of reviewing the cheese, I will be writing the cheese.

Not completely odd.

Published September 18, 2012 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

The title is misleading.  I had a strange dream.  That’s not the weird part, because let’s face it when you have the kind of day to day circus that I have, which usually includes finding an euphemism for “tentacle sex” in the same day that you have to teach ten year olds how to sing a shopping list, strange is actually pretty normal.  And I take ambien. (Trust me, I’ve tried going without and I absolutely can not function on three hours of bleary sleep.)

The dream I had involved me driving to Denton to sit an interview because I had been shortlisted to be an Academic Fellow. (For she’s a jolly good?)  This fellowship would have me interacting with the Academia Nuts  somewhere in New England and one of the stipulations of the fellowship is that I would teach at various institutions in the NYC region.

This opportunity came about because of the research behind a ongoing writing project.  The project was only referenced a time or two and what I can remember is the actual story was a Historical Fiction and seemed to be geared towards the YA audience.  Apparently there was some groundbreaking research involved.  I can’t remember what specific time period, but I do recall it was American History.

That seems a bit broad, but it gives me a bit of hope.

I also recall asking if my Academic Fellow insignia could feature Cookie Monster.