Huffington Post

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Possibly the most apt description ever

Published January 11, 2016 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

CNN will only let me listen to five minutes of breaking news at a time.

After that I have to log in with my television provider.  I’m pretty sure they won’t accept Netflix and Hulu as an answer.  Am I not entitled to news?  I could go on a big scary rant right now, but I don’t really care that much,because I know that if something truly important happens, someone will alert me.

RIP, David Bowie.

So, as per usual, I am left to get my news online from various news sources. I regularly consult MSN, Huffington Post, Cracked, The-Line-Up, and Feedly, and then I do my own gleaning and processing.

Buzzfeed has an interesting article/commentary about 2015 being the hottest year on record Here’s the link.  It goes a long way towards explaining how and why forests are bursting into flame and why we spent a balmy Christmas.

One direct quote resonated with me “Normal is a moving target.”

That actually is a good way to describe many of my days.  (My Amanda Friend helped define my life and personality the other day when I mentioned that I am practically a cartoon. She commented, “Reinflating after an anvil falls on you.” )

I don’t have an average day. Even when I was teaching full-time, average was difficulty to grasp.  Today, I made a list of goals. I find the word “goals” is less threatening than the phrase “to-do”. “To-Do” looks like it’s bossing me around and I just don’t need that kind of pressure, especially not from a piece of paper. My computer screen and Weight Watchers tracker are already giving me the fish-eye.  I have no idea why; I am certainly working hard in both areas.

I have the list and I have met three of the seven goals. I’m not quite at the mid-day crash.  But I am confident that it will happen (It’s not on the list; it’s expected.  I am not going to start an “expectations” list because I do not want a nervous breakdown. )

I create weird around me.  After forty-six years, I am at the point of grim acceptance.

Case in point: I went to the dealership to pick my the plates and registration for my new Kia. (!) I was told to just pull into the service bay and that someone would put the plates on my car. I told the service people what I was there for and that I had to go inside to actually sign for the plates. I stopped off in the Ladies Room (long drive, too much coffee.) And so I didn’t pop immediately back out to the car.  I heard someone announce:

“Who left their Soul in the service bay?”

This was before noon.

I can’t believe I don’t know enough (World’s Worst Condiment)

Published August 19, 2013 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

As I was meandering about with my Amanda friend yesterday, I realized that I have no idea what is going on anywhere, not even my own house.

The cat food level is dangerously low. I did have a reserve of the special IAMS Boy is your cat chunky formula, but the one time I plan ahead, the food is recalled.  Really. IAMS has voluntarily recalled select bags of food. Apparently the one I purchased was one of them.  It didn’t exactly say that in the press release, but the bag I have is in the lot that might poison my cat.

So now I have to dispose of the food as indicated on the website and send away for my refund.  Meanwhile, I have to go and fetch more food.

Then there is the mystery roach corpse thing. It is not limited to roaches; I saw a beetle body yesterday.   (That’s actually really hard to say.)

I realized yesterday that I should probably know more about what’s happening in the world, or possibly in this zip code.   I’m not sure why.   To that end, I went to the Huffington Post. Since  I screwed up something when I updated Google Chrome, I keep getting this weird switchy thing that is not Google, that doesn’t take me directly to the site, but takes  me directly to the search.  (This is another one of those things that I don’t have any knowledge about.)  Huffington Posts linky thing says “Breaking News and Opinion.”

Has anyone have a breaking opinion? HMMM?

I clicked the  LIVE link and the first news story is about looking for a job.

I wanted to smack my head against my computer.

Except I can’t because the only thing that is actively paying me (By active I mean soon, and once those righteous, paltry ducats clear paypal, I don’t have any income for a while.) is my freelancing.  I just finished on tiny research project and a six short story contract.

I can’t murder my computer by bashing it with my giant head because I know I can’t afford a new computer now, and it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to afford one soon.   I do have two new assignments to begin, but it’s not anything huge and permanent (World’s Worst Mount  Rushmore description.)

I am waiting to hear from the dream job and the not so dreamy, but not bad job and then off course, not terrible but the money might make it worth it job.  Meanwhile I have renewed my substitute teaching stuff because I figured out that if I sub three days a week and write every single moment I am not physically in the classroom, I might squeak by.

It’s a little depressing and I’m trying to think about other things, like the news and the Huffington Post

My breaking opinion on that is that for some reason the universe is giving me sass.

The More I wonder, the less I know.

Published August 15, 2013 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I am the first to admit/ complain that I don’t get frequent news updates.  For the most part, I rely on glances at the  Huffington Post for Android App and next day Hulu broadcasts of the Daily Show and the Colbert report.  Suffice it to say that unless an event is bizarre/stupid/surreal/involves a sneezing panda,  I don’t usually hear about it in a timely fashion.

Since I am two stories and three days away from meeting a deadline, I am also checking the Facebook and the Twitter regularly. (Say what you want about social media, but watching the Presidential debate while monitoring Twitter was almost as much fun as having David Sedaris put together a very special episode of Pop-Up Video. )

Sometime today, August 15, 2013, Russell Simmons ( I have no idea who he is.) put up and subsequently removed  a Harriet Tubman Sex-tape.

Fortunately for me, I get hand me down news so I didn’t have to sit and put together my own “What the Sweaty Hell?” rant.  XO Jane and Jezebel, and I’m sure many, many other people with a firm grip on their sanity handled that nicely.

I’m not sure what bothers me more; The fact that it actually occurred to someone to  spend the time and film to make this tape or the fact that I’m sure someone, somewhere believed that Ms. Tubman actually made a tape, never mind there are so many things wrong with the concept from any angle( including camera) that any thinking person would know it was not real.

This is exactly why I get so freaked out about the concept of extra terrestrials.  The actual terrestrials are plenty scary and I’m not sure the human race is the best example of life in the universe.

Maybe anyone who is watching will focus on the Olinguito.  ( Maybe this thing ran out of the forest in response to many years of Olllie-Ollie Oxen Free, whatever that means.   It’s a stretch, but it’s also possible that it’s been hiding.) This cute little thing is a new carnivorous species discovered in South America.  I think anything this cute has some kind of hidden agenda.

But I bet it no Olinguito are going to rush out and make sex tapes, real or otherwise.

And even if they did, how cut would that be?

 

 

Can I use this news?

Published August 8, 2013 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

So I’m in write/edit/write mode again.  I’m still kind of meh about my life, but I need the money and since no one seems to be in a huge hurry to hire me for anything else, I have to step it up and finish this contract.  I’m a little behind schedule because, you know, I’m a big slack.   

Still, I do like that the stories are kind of writing themselves.  I have the formula and my hands and my brain kind of churn out the basic information then I go back and add the zest.  Kind of like adding the onions to the macaroni salad, otherwise it’s just cold noodles and pickles.  (Yes, I did just compare my writing, which someone is paying me to do, to a side dish. Clearly I need help.) 

I’ve been trying to stay on top of the news but to be honest, there is precious little I care about. Either it makes me crazy mad, or I want to start punch celebrities, or some horrifying combination of the two.  I was looking at the news hoping there would be something other than, “It’s going to be hellishly hot in Texas, stay inside.”, but today’s news essentially said that the Hurricane warnings for this year’s Mid-Atlantic season have been downgraded. I read the comments because I find that these are very entertaining.  This one was particularly interesting :As an occasional cruise ship customer i’ve been noticing these forecasts.  This has to be about the seventh year in a row the forecasts have been scaled back from the end of the world to normal 

It’s good to know that we have options. 

I would love to hear a forecaster say “Eh, the weather might kill you today, but then again, it might not. Who knows?”  

I guess it’s probably less panic inducing than having the News Monster race on camera screaming, “Oh my God, we’re all going to hell in fast car! Did you see the picture of the dead polar bear on the Huffington Post! The Ice Caps are melting, at least 30% of school children live in poverty!  And the only thing anyone gives a crap about is that Beyonce cut her hair and how much of Miley’s who ha you can see in her hot pants!” 

Even though it’s probably better not to incite the masses, I still would love to see that newscast. 

The Free will set you, Truth.

Published May 15, 2013 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

I am having an odd week. If I think it’s odd, I can’t even imagine what the rest of the world is thinking.    Its only Wednesday. All day yesterday I thought it was Thursday.  (This is where the white rabbit should hop out and nag me to take my meds.)

I have a lot going on, you know what with ranting maniacally about Hineys and Abercrombie and Fitch.   I do other things, too. I applied for a real job, the kind that will allow me to use those qualifications and diplomas and fill me with a sense of purpose so I don’t spend so much time trying to get mall employees to look the other way while I round up a bunch of people with cupcakes in their mouths and buttocks all ready for pressing against the store windows.  (World’s Worst Flash Mob?)

I have two new contracts that I am working on. One is a report on endangered species for kids ages 8-10.  I’m learning a lot and there are times that I have seriously cracked myself up when I think about Blackfooted ferrets being introduced into new habitats.  Then there is the pocket gopher whose little pockets can actually turn inside out like pants pockets.  That sound seriously cute and makes me wonder what a gopher keeps in his pocket.   I am about halfway done with that. I am still, yes, still working on Girls Like Us. (I know I am a huge slack and I am setting a bad example for all of the other freelancers by not finishing on thread of research before I go barreling on through to the next thing ) But as I was writing this excuse, I realize that there is a thread of resonance between this book and the research I am doing on endangered species.  There are things happening worldwide that are a trickle down effect because of things that would never occur to most people.  The extreme relevance of human trafficking and the loss of many natural resources due to human stupidity makes me want to flurb.

That’s the only word I can find.

But that’s what I feel. It kind of feels like a cloudy pinch behind your eye near your sinus cavity and you can’t sneeze it loose because your eye might just pop out. And you would feel much better if you had a nice cold Coke Cherry Zero, but you are out and now it’s storm and almost time for you to wind down so you can finish up this contract and have time to edit and get a jump on the next thing, so just quit thinking about it and don’t even look at the Huffington post because it will just make you mad.

Yep.

Flurb.

Is it Saturday for the truth-My own Sabado Gigante

Published April 20, 2013 by Lynda Christine Rodriguez

People (my mom, my psychiatrist, a few colleagues and the guy behind me at Starbucks who was impressed with my triple shot latte order) have asked me, “Do you ever give yourself a break?

The answer is, sometimes. But today is not one of those times.  For some reason, my world has turned into a something akin to the inexplicable snarl that a string of Christmas lights turns into on its own while it waits nestled in its box for the next season.   I have been trying to get things in order, but whenever  I have some part straightened out, another part has rippled up (I swear I heard it giggle.)

Since I am trying to figure everything, (This is an all accompanying anything.) and I can’t seem to get anyone to sedate me into a coma, I have to continue the search, even on a Saturday.

As I continue through “Denying History” I have found some thought provoking ideas. (My thoughts are a dangerous beast to provoke.)  “Who in their right minds would deny history” This means in the light of a eyewitness accounts, photos and other evidence all converging to the same end, who could doubt the veracity of an event?

Maybe if something is so horrible it is impossible to believe.  I can see that.

The world has had a  pretty terrible week.  (Foul language alert.)

If you want a graphic breakdown check this out:

http://jezebel.com/fuck-this-week-476503887

This article doesn’t include the massive earthquake in China.

It occurred to me yesterday that it’s easy to believe that people could lose track of the facts in history; we don’t have  firm grip on the present, so it’s not that far of  a stretch.

I cite the New York Post  “Bag Men” debacle.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/18/ny-post-boston-suspects-bag-men-front-page_n_3109052.html

No one really goes to the NY Post for actual news, but is it too much to ask for something based on fact?

My mind has been blown by the events of this week. The concepts in my reading material makes me feel like someone has blown into my ear very hard with a crazy straw (yes, I went there.)  I started following up on some of the names and publications that the book uses as referential evidence. (If you have ever wondered who actually reads and follows the thread of footnotes, it’s me. I do. ) My findings are in the process of boggling my mind. Stay tuned to see what words of three letters or more fall out.